Handling negative feedback about BLW: what to say and how to act.
Whether you’re already in your BLW journey or still in the pre-planning stages, I’m sure you’ve heard some negative comments about it.
There are negative comments about EVERYTHING these days, and this is only exaggerated by social media, but that’s another story…
When you’re in the thick of new parenting decisions, how to best raise your baby, and trying to figure out what support you need, the last thing you need is someone in your face telling you you are wrong…right?
Here’s the thing. You are inevitably going to have family and friends (& possibly strangers!) disagree with how you are feeding your baby. But here’s the other thing – if you chose another route to solids, like purees, you’d STILL have family and friends (& possibly strangers) disagree with how you are feeding your baby.
This time of life isn’t about pleasing others or comparison; it’s about doing what you feel is best for your baby and for your family. And for YOU!
When I started BLW with my daughter, I had friends that felt judged by their choices because my choices were different, and sometimes viewed as better. I had family members judging me because no one in my family had tried this before.
I have a client now whose parents and in-laws were very against it, yet she’s doing it anyway. And now all of the parents are so impressed, AND her mom even helps with new foods and feeding!!!
Rather than dwell on negative comments or succumb to them, we can reframe our words and our mindset to help others understand the vision we have for our child.
I talk in depth about this in First Foods Academy. I help moms to formulate the right words, the right conversation pieces to help their family understand their goals and vision for their baby’s future. We fit it to their family scenario; we discuss what’s happening. I help them to understand even for themselves, just why they are choosing this path when they second guess themselves!
Having the right support from loved ones makes all the difference in any part of the parenting journey, so I’m sharing my 5 top tips to creating a positive conversation with family and friends who disagree with or are apprehensive about your solids approach.
1. Find and use empathy.
I want you to think back to the first time you saw BLW as a concept. The first time you saw a video of a 6-month-old baby eating a piece of chicken or watermelon. How did you feel? Impressed, maybe, but I’m sure one of your first thoughts was also, “Oh my gosh, is that safe?”
I see you nodding.
Now, I want you think about what methods your parents probably used when they were introducing solids to you. The likely answer here is spoon-fed purees. This is what was the norm. What people did! Our family members and friends come to the table with experience of having done this task before, and if it worked a certain way for them for 1, 2, even 5 babies, it can be hard for them to see why you’d want to choose another path.
It’s also important to remember that these negative comments or questioning often come from a place of fear. They may be concerned for your little one’s safety, just like you were when you first saw this concept pop up on your Instagram feed. They love that grandbaby so much, and of course want what’s in his or her best interest. So concerns are normal!
So what can we do?
We can say things like,
“I appreciate your concern, but this food is actually safe, he doesn’t need it blended. It’s soft and mashes easily, see?”
OR
“I used to be afraid of choking too, but after going through a program and working with someone who specializes in baby-led weaning, I feel much better about it.”
Let them know that you understand where their nerves are coming from, and share that you initially had some too!
2. Share what you know and provide facts.
It’s one thing to acknowledge the feelings a family member or friend might be having, but sometimes a little more convincing is needed. If responding with empathetic statements doesn’t seem to be decreasing that nervousness, sharing some facts about BLW can help!
A huge tip here: be confident in your answer and keep comments short! Long, drawn out answers can make it seem like you’re trying too hard to convince them, which doesn’t bode well for changing someone’s mind.
If the questions keep flowing and you feel like you’re being interviewed, share statements like these:
“I’ve done a lot to be prepared, and know the difference between gagging and choking. I actually did a course on it and have the info hanging on my fridge.”
OR
“Gagging and choking can actually happen with puree-fed babies too, and usually it’s at a later age, which can cause food aversions. Younger babies don’t really care if they gag.”
Skip the lecture, but share the facts in a short, sweet way. If the person keeps asking questions, share more, but don’t lead with a textbook full of information. ;)
3. Encourage them to read up on BLW.
Remember again, that a lot of the concerns stem from the fact that this family member or friend probably fed their baby differently and this is foreign to them. A lot may have changed since they last fed a little one. New research has surfaced about nutrition for babies as well as appropriate development for babies.
What you can do:
Say, “Let me add this Instagram account to your feed and show them to you so you can start seeing other babies do this too. It’s honestly fascinating!”
OR
Share your favorite BLW book with them!
If the person is still feeling apprehensive, outside sources can offer that confirmation that the facts you shared were correct. Even if you are showing it to them first hand, rather than expecting them to read it/watch it later!
4. Get them involved.
This one is huge!
If the family member or friend is someone you see regularly, it can be incredibly beneficial to involve them in the process in some way. They might be warming up after you’ve done the first few steps above, but showing them that you value them enough to want them to be a part of the experience can speak volumes.
Here’s my recommendation: Invite them to come over and help you or watch you introduce a new food. I suggest doing this new food at your house or wherever your baby is used to eating most, so that your baby is comfortable in his eating environment.
What to say:
“This is really important to me, and I’d love it if you could support this journey for us. I’m going to introduce her to strawberries this week. Would you like to come over and help me?”
5. Agree to disagree.
If, in the end, there is still a lot of resistance and disapproval, it may be worth just accepting that fact and moving on. As we all know, we don’t agree with every decision others make, and they don’t agree with every decision we make, right? This may be no different.
What’s important here is that you stand your ground and do what you believe is right for you and for your baby. It’s your baby, and you know best.
What to say:
“I’m sorry you feel that way, but this is what we feel is best for our family and for (helping our baby to develop lots of her motor skills) OR (giving us a higher chance of not having a picky eater).” – You can insert whatever you want here!
Here’s the thing, mamma.
I want you to do this thing your way. I want you to take those visions you have of your baby eating, and (safely) run with it to make it happen.
But I also want you to have support from those around you.
It’s important to have that support, plus it makes us feel better about a decision if we know those close to us approve of it, right?
If you’re struggling with implementing BLW because you don’t have a cheerleading squad in your corner, joining First Foods Academy might be a great option for you to find that support and encouragement! The fans routing for you along the way. The moms who are walking the same EXACT journey!
I’d love to talk more about this and see how FFA can help you during a complimentary 45-minute discovery session. You’ll get to talk to me about what you’re currently facing, what you need help with, and together we’ll develop a roadmap to help you finally feel confident in the decisions you are making/made.
